Class Geek

I am really enjoying being back in education, it's a good challenge and I appear to just get it. I'm also one of these people that always surrenders answers when a question is asked. But I always seem to be one of the only ones to surrender answers. I guess I have no fear of getting it wrong and I love learning. You learn by your mistakes. I just really hate the feeling of coming across as the class geek when really I'm not at all. I find it easier to do work at college than at home. I get distracted way too easily either on facebook, twitter, internet forums or here on my blog. I always leave things to the last minute.

Yesterdays biology assignment is a perfect example of that. I literally left it til yesterday afternoon to finish the essay and I still didn't have the time to revise organelles. There would have been no chance I would have finished had it not been for the amazing help of a very good friend of mine that had my youngest in the afternoon. Thank goodness for friends eh.

I'm hungry tonight

I hate it when I get in from college and by the time I decide I'm hungry it's actually too late to eat. I found the refectory and picked up some beef flavoured hula hoops..nom nom. My meals today have been incredibly bad.

B: Bowl of frosties approx 300cals
L: 1/4 of a pizza, bag of baked crisps 140cals, 120cals
D: Nothing
Snacks: Beef flavoured hula hoops. 140cals

No wonder I'm starving hungry having had just 700 cals all day!! Probably a bit more than that actually when I factor in drinks, milk etc. I must go shopping tomorrow and get some decent food in. This is NOT the way to getting my beach body by starving myself. Paul Mackenna says I can eat what I want. I just need to listen to my body when it says it's full.

I am pleased to report however I lost around 4lbs in just over a week.

Cor Blimey that was quick!

I received the results for my smear this morning. All normal. I'm so relieved and amazed at how quick they came through too. I had the smear less than a week ago and already its back. Amazing.

Off to Bedfordshire-some thoughts before I go.

Not really much to report from here tonight. J is at his dads for the evening as his dad is off work and taking him to school tomorrow and picking him up so no school run tomorrow..WOOHOO!! I'm so proud of him at the moment. We're doing his high frequency words at the moment which are basically words that appear frequently in books he's reading. I'm doing them with him every night and the progress he's making in his reading ability is amazing. I really want him to be happy and do well at school. But neither will happen if he doesn't enjoy and can't do the work. He's got a good head for numbers so I'm not so bothered about that but his reading I am. I remember watching a tv program before he started school about how boys always lag behind at school and some choir teacher went in and taught them all differently using more active outside stimulus to avoid boredom that boys so easily get. I just don't want J to be one of those boys. It scares me. Lots.

I've been trying to do college work tonight and have acheived a fairly substantial amount of the essay. I'm just concerned I won't get it done in time. However I have Wednesday morning to do it whilst R is at the childminders just need to be focused and get it done. I just study better at night time. I'm a night owl. Nevermind, I will need to get into to it properly as come University time I won't know my arse from my elbow unless I get organised and not like this:

Talking of Uni, I've been considering the long term future of our furry friend Emily. I just don't think I'm going to have the time for her when I start. She barely gets walked enough as it is. She doesn't get the stimulation she needs and although we do have a big enough garden for her, it's not fair on her to expect to be shut up indoors whilst I'm doing uni, placements and looking after the boys. I feel so so mean as we've just got a cat and I don't want her to think she's been replaced. I've been thinking about her long before the cat came on the scene. In fact since I knew I was going to be going to Uni. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. She's a lovely dog, really great with the boys and I may not even get in next year so just going to see how it goes.

Joshua decided on the name for our cat - Betty. What do you think?

Eyes bigger than my belly

I really fancied chilli in a wrap tonight for dinner. Instead I did a burritos type meal. Of which you can see I left loads of it. I'm starting to learn to listen to my body/brain/stomach when it tells me I'm full. I've hardly eaten a thing today so thought I would be starving but less than halfway through I just stopped as I didn't want anymore. That's some achievement on my part as I would usually clear the plate as my mum had always told me too. Not anymore. My eyes clearly were bigger than my belly and I'm proud I've got leftovers.

Diet FAIL

I swore I wouldn't weigh myself throughout this journey but they were calling me this morning so I jumped expecting to see the same as is always there...FAT! However I was pleasently surprised to find I had lost 2lbs.

Why did I then at lunchtime go and buy myself a McDonalds to celebrate. The urge of the golden arches was calling me as I entered the car park. My mouth was watering in anticipation of getting my lips around a scrummy burger of my choice. The positive of it is that I chose wisely, I chose the foods that were the lower in calorific deliciousness and I enjoyed it. Every. Last. Bite.

I can hear woohoo!!

I had my ears irrigated yesterday afternoon. A most bizarre experience having water and air alternately burst into your ear and holding a pot underneath catching all the muck and wax spilling out of your ears. It's honestly barf worthy writing it down and if I think about it too much it makes me quite nauseous remembering looking into the pot and seeing two bits of earwax stuck the side which size wise were on par with marbles. I was disgusted and amazed something SO big was in there and worse still that it had come out of my ear.

Anyway once she had cleared the main blockage out of my left ear, suddenly I could hear in 3d surround sound again. Honestly THE most invigorating amazing thing EVER!

You don't realise how deaf you are until you have your ears irrigated. Everyone should do it once in their lifetime.

I hate the school run

I honestly can not abide the school run. Making petty conversations with the parents, over hearing some bragging about how amazing their child is, feeling completely out of place because they're all so cliquey and you don't quite fit in with them either socially or fashionably. In just over a year of doing them I can only say I have a very small handful of 'school mum friends'. The rest of them are just polite but I don't think they would ever go out of their way to help. When your child is, how shall I put it, easily influenced by the behaviour of others, I don't think parents want to socialise with the parent of the 'naughty child' in class.

And then you have the jobsworth traffic wardens that don't appear until the moment when your child's class come out of school and you're parked on single yellow lines so you end up running down the road, finding a parking space in the permit parking areas and racing back to the school,the other parents giving you looks of disappointment as you briskly walk past them huffing, puffing and red in the face to find your child distraught and upset that you left them.

That is why I hate the school run.

Thank god it's Friday

I've been waiting for this day all week having had a fairly shite week and to be quite honest I feel worse than better. The ringing in my ears is still there and I still can't hear anything. I actually want to cry I'm so fed up. God knows how my friend Stacey has coped with her hyperemesis for the last eight months. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have an appointment at 4pm to have them syringed. I can't tell you how happy I am to have them done before the weekend and for normality to return. I would say the only advantage to the bad ear is that if I lay on the other one I can't hear the noises outside and sleep more soundly.

Down in the dumps

I'm not one usually to moan about how bad I feel, actually scrap that. Anyone that knows me knows I moan a LOT about how bad my life is when in reality it isn't all that terrible.

For some reason today I just can't pick myself up, I think it's a mixture of waiting for my test results for my smear, the daunting task that is college and the fact it's so god damn cold outside again already!! The boys and I have already had colds and I can hear 50% of fuck all out of my left ear except buzzing/ringing. I have ear drops that have done nothing except loosen a bit of wax and it's looking likely that I will need them syringed. I just want to snuggle down under a duvet and hibernate until Spring.

Oh my days, my head

Second week of college this week and to say it's rather full on is a big big understatement. After last night my head was spinning from the absolute onslaught of information given to us about the different approaches to psychology and tonight in Biology we were bombarded with slides, videos and paper about eukaryotic and prokaryotic cells. What the fuck I hear you say? Trust me you aren't alone. My head hurts, I'm exhausted, I need to man the fuck up and get stuck in. This year is a whole other ball game.

My necessary evil experience

As promised I thought I would explain my experience

It was over and done with in less than three minutes. The nurse checked I was comfortable first. How you can be comfortable about the prospect of having a plastic duck bill shaped device shoved up your jack and danny and opened and then what looks like a toilet brush inserted into the end of it and twizzled around your cervix I don't know but I guess she asks because she has to.

I'm not going to lie the procedure was uncomfortable and I've had some period type cramping and a bit of spotting since. The best thing I can recommend is to relax, take long deep breaths and try and not think about what is happening.

The nurse uses a small instrument called a speculum to gently open the vagina. A small brush is then used to sweep around the cervix to take a sample of cells, the head of the brush, where the cells are lodged, is broken off into a small container of preservative fluid, or rinsed directly into the preservative fluid and set off to the laboratory to be looked at under the microscope.

I would say the worse thing for me was laying there legs akimbo with the speculum inside of me whilst she was sorting out the brush when all I wanted to do was get up and get dressed.

All said and done, I got myself all worked up for nothing really. It wasn't that bad, and if you can handle the slight embarassment you'll be fine. It could save your life. What's a little bit of embarassment in front of a nurse against potentially cancer......??

What's a girl to do..

I thought I would pop into my local Tesco's to pick up so low fat foods and some chocolate and after my smear this morning I was feeling rather crampy which although totally normal made me feel like shit and I knew the only cure for it was chocolate. I stood in front of this display of my most favourite chocolate ever GALAXY! So creamy and yummy.

I walked straight (after taking a picture to share) past ignoring the fact it was on special offer and that they also had cookie crumble nom nom....I instead opted for some plain chocolate which although was nowhere near as delicious as Galaxy it quenched my chocolate craving.

That 'I don't want to check my account' feeling

You know the one, when you know you've really overspent and feeling incredibly guilty because you have bills and rent due. You log on to your internet banking, peeking behind your fingers at your account balance because you just KNOW it's going to be bad news.....to then discover that actually it's not that horrific. You aren't overdrawn! BONUS! And that actually, you can indeed pay the babysitter and get some shopping in. My life is soooo rock and roll!

I want to win a photoshoot for me and my boys

Seeing as I am always behind the camera I never have any pictures taken of me and the boys together, hopefully R will smile if we win. Please vote for our photo. It's picture number 13 which is considered lucky for some. The child is little R with his bottom lip sticking out.

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150322105944757.364356.180279369756&type=1

A necessary evil...

I have my dreaded three yearly necessary evil tomorrow at 1040. The single most unflattering thing you have done in a womans life aside from childbirth and possibly a hollywood. I feel sick though already at the prospect of it. Just thinking about it makes me want to heave which considering I've had two children is just bizarre.

Once its done it's done though for another three years, then you wait for your test results, cue more nausea when they hopefully say, all clear.

I would rather have the embarassment of laying on the bed knickerless with some nurse sticking a cotton bud around my cervix than not and discovering cervical cancer too late. Look at Jade Goody....too little too late. They say she left a legacy. But did she really? The uptake of smear tests is declining again and I just don't understand why people do not just book up and do it. I will tomorrow go through step by step exactly what happens so that those that do not want to or are nervous about it will know exactly what they're expecting.

It's no biggie, it's a necessary evil, but it could save your life.

Making the right choices

I'm into my second week at college this week. I recived my textbook for psychology. It weighs around the same as my two year old and I would say the same thickness as war and peace. I traisped it all the way into college today, my arms actually aching as I lobbed it down on the table once in class. Going by the amount of information we were bombarded with today I have to say that I can now see the necessity of needing a book so large and cumbersome. Fortunately for me, I have been informed I don't actually need it for college but for home research purposes so no more achey arms.

Anyway you're probably all wondering what the heck this has to do with making the right choices....we were talking about the arguements many psychologists have and what freewill vs. determinism meant. How we as human beings have the freewill to make our choices how we see fit versus the predetermination that everything is our life is set out in a certain way and 'everything happens for a reason' For example the predetermination that a person is fat or thin, is it in the genes? Or is it the persons freewill or choice that they stuff themselves with creamcakes and chocolate and wonder why they're overweight. Are people naturally skinny or are they just mindful of the choices they make when eating.

These all rang true for me this evening when I thought about the food I ate today.

Breakfast: 2 weetabix with semi skimmed milk
Lunch: Ham salad sandwich on wholemeal with low fat spread and no mayo (brought in Greggs)
Snack: A small pancake with the kids and a thin spread of nutella
Dinner: Lentil soup and a small bread roll
Snack: 2 slices of soreen

I would usually have three weetabix for breakfast because I am a pig and like to feel full up until lunchtime, but its not about feeling full up, more satisfied that you've eaten enough. I went into Greggs for a sandwich at lunchtime and had a whole host of temptations waved under my nose and I resisted the little voices telling me to have a fresh cream apple danish or a chocolate eclair to go with my healthy sandwich and diet coke, however come afterschool time I was starving and knew I wouldn't last until dinner after college so gave in to temptation by having the last pancake with Stacey and the kids. I wouldn't have had one at all but there was some mix left over and it lasted just long enough to see me through college to have my low fat soup and soreen for tea.

So you see I could have done a hell of a lost worse with the choices I made but also I could have done better. We all have choices, just ensure you make the right ones.

To do list before I turn 30

1. If I get in...do the London Marathon

I've always been strangely fascinated with the marathon and wished that one day I could do it..well I applied in April this year to be entered into the ballot. It would be amazing to do it, although I can imagine it will near on kill me but it's for a good cause. I'm doing it for Camille. She kicked cancers arse and every child in her position deserves a chance to survive. For more information please take a look at www.camillesappeal.co.uk.

2. Lose weight

Now this should come naturally the more I train for aforementioned marathon. The only problem is I love shit food. Burgers, sweets, chocolate, chinese, pizza...the list is endless everything that puts lbs on your arse or stomach from just sniffing it. I've therefore decided to try (but not try too hard) to stop eating this shit food and making better more positive decisions about what I fill my face with. Why o why did I buy that limited edition mars bar earlier?

3. Complete my college course

I'm just about to enter my second week now, my books are arriving for psychology and biology this week and I have my first assignment to do that is due for submission in just over a week ARGH!!! I'm still completley clueless on harvard referencing and I'm not even sure if the structure of my essay is correct.

4. Get into University

This is my biggest BIGGEST thing on my to do list! If I get into University it would be just absolutely amazing. To fulfil my dream......as well as get into an absurd amount of debt, never see my children and do a stupid amount of hours but the end result will be my dream job.

5. Spend my 30th in Tenerife

Oh yeah, I'm doing it chavesque stylee holiday...or not...it's going to be a blissful childfree relaxing holiday. Even the hotel is a childfree zone. I can't wait, and even better I get to spend it with one of my bessies. Maybe we'll have a drink or two too......

The 30th Birthday Countdown

So let me introduce myself. I'm me, I'm 29. In ten months and two days I turn 30. This is going to be about the highs and lows of the lead up to the big three-oh.