This is not cool. For almost a week now I've had a blocked nose, am not sleeping properly. I am keeping beechams and kleenex in business going by the amount of stuff I'm buying. Its got to be Manflu. I'm moaning as much as a man would.
Monday, 7 November 2011
I don't know what has happened, what part of my mind or body is playing tricks on me but I feel really out of sorts at the moment. I'm drowning and struggling to keep my head afloat with the house, and spending time with the boys. On Sunday I have neither of them and spent all day doing nothing. I literally folded some washing. That was it, how fecking lazy am I? What is wrong with me? I've lost my mojo. I'm dreading going to college tomorrow as I'm really not feeling Psychology at all and am dreading Biology as I think I did really bad. I NEED merits and distinctions to get onto the midwifery degree programme. Even the writing of my personal statement is trying right now.
Saturday, 5 November 2011
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Whats on your list today? My list is this:
1. Sort out the floordrobe
2. Go through Roberts clothes and get them on facebay/ebay/charity shop bag.
3. Put away my mountain range of clothing currently cluttering one of my sofas
4. Get dressed...yep at 13:05GMT we are still in our pj's.
5. Go to a halloween party in Ashford.
I'm seriously struggling with the work/college/mum/life balance at the moment and you can see this when you look at my home. Things are NOT good. I can only call it a temporary blip for so long can't I?
Just a quick ranty pants on here. I was going to go out with the young uns from work Thursday night and then thought I couldn't cos I'm skintos and then discovered actually I had some money so messaged one of the guys going out to find out where they were meeting. They said that they weren't going cos they had no money. Today, all over a certain social networking site there are pictures of all of em out having a good time. Ah well, I shall go back to being all serious and won't try and fit in thinking I'm still in my teens and early twenties when in fact I'm almost thirty.
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
I asked if he would be happy to have Robert for me if I booked up to go away for my birthday next year. He agreed and said yes of course. I asked Sean the same thing and he said, yep, just let me know the dates and I will book it off work and take Joshua away for a week. So fast forward to the weekend just gone and he's pressuring me to meet the wife and then throws me the 'well when you're away next year she will be looking after him as I've got to work' card at me. I mean WTF? I would have thought any NORMAL man would actually want to spend time with his son but no he's pawning him off on the wife for the week. Fucks sake. Pisses me right off.....not only that but the last three weekends he's been down there and I've given him his swimming stuff he's not taken him. It's like he wants to put on the facade of being this perfect father when in fact he's really not. The novelty of being 'dad' has worn off. He wanted to go down to every other weekend having him from Friday to Sunday which at the moment I'm not prepared to do neither is it fair on Robert to go from seeing him every week to every other.
The blokes a fucking cock, end of.
A piccie of my surrogate niece...
Saturday, 22 October 2011
I did my biology exam on Wednesday night. That was interesting, the last two questions none of us in class had been taught it so we were all a bit confused and not many of us answered the questions. I did have a guess so who knows. Again it's marked pass, merit, distinction. I'm just awaiting the email to confirm what I've got.
I also started my voluntary work at hospital this week, I was absolutely astounded at how damn hard the staff work and they were so thankful of the fact I was there giving up my time going around and talking to the patients. I have to say some of the patients were just lovely and one person I sat down and spoke with for about twenty minutes.
So it's not much on paper but I have been a little bit busy...I'm out in town tonight for the first time in about six or seven months which I'm really looking forward to. I've got some lush shoes to wear with them too http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/wide-fit-shoes-and-boots/contrast-platform-shoe-boot_233358801
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
It would appear I am owed money from the tax man. I received a cheque in the post for just over £500 which means I can (once the cheque has cleared) finally book my holiday. Can't wait!
I'm officially employed now too. I have come off income support. Joshua will be having packed lunch every day now and gone are my milk tokens for Robert. On the plus side I get a £250 grant plus a top up of £40 on top of my wages every week for the next year.
All in all a very good day....
Monday, 10 October 2011
I got my first college assignment back for Biology last week and was incredibly proud of myself for getting a merit. One of my fellow peers also thought I should be at medical school as I seem to just get it. Hmmm midwifery yes, doctor no. Just doesn't interest me at all. Although I was flattered that she would think that and actually tell me. It's funny because everyone looked at me and asked what I had got expecting, I guess, a distinction grade. No such luck. I am however on the right path as at the Uni open day on Saturday they are expecting merit grades to get onto the course as they have found that those with just passes really struggle and end up leaving.
I'm so incredibly excited about applying for University, I can't even begin to tell you. Just need to start writing my personal statement now....
Off to bed, peace out all xx
Thursday, 6 October 2011
All the grades you can get at level 3 at college this year. They're all marked based on how much you know about the subject matter and how you put it down on paper.
So my first biology essay I got back last night and I have to say I'm incredibly pleased I got a merit. I bloody wish I had put some more work into it though as I could have probably got a distinction. Lesson learned though.
I have a research project on genetic disease of my choice to do as my next assignment so will put my all in that and hopefully come out with a distinction.
Thursday, 29 September 2011
Yesterdays biology assignment is a perfect example of that. I literally left it til yesterday afternoon to finish the essay and I still didn't have the time to revise organelles. There would have been no chance I would have finished had it not been for the amazing help of a very good friend of mine that had my youngest in the afternoon. Thank goodness for friends eh.
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
B: Bowl of frosties approx 300cals
L: 1/4 of a pizza, bag of baked crisps 140cals, 120cals
Snacks: Beef flavoured hula hoops. 140cals
No wonder I'm starving hungry having had just 700 cals all day!! Probably a bit more than that actually when I factor in drinks, milk etc. I must go shopping tomorrow and get some decent food in. This is NOT the way to getting my beach body by starving myself. Paul Mackenna says I can eat what I want. I just need to listen to my body when it says it's full.
I am pleased to report however I lost around 4lbs in just over a week.
Monday, 26 September 2011
I've been trying to do college work tonight and have acheived a fairly substantial amount of the essay. I'm just concerned I won't get it done in time. However I have Wednesday morning to do it whilst R is at the childminders just need to be focused and get it done. I just study better at night time. I'm a night owl. Nevermind, I will need to get into to it properly as come University time I won't know my arse from my elbow unless I get organised and not like this:
Talking of Uni, I've been considering the long term future of our furry friend Emily. I just don't think I'm going to have the time for her when I start. She barely gets walked enough as it is. She doesn't get the stimulation she needs and although we do have a big enough garden for her, it's not fair on her to expect to be shut up indoors whilst I'm doing uni, placements and looking after the boys. I feel so so mean as we've just got a cat and I don't want her to think she's been replaced. I've been thinking about her long before the cat came on the scene. In fact since I knew I was going to be going to Uni. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. She's a lovely dog, really great with the boys and I may not even get in next year so just going to see how it goes.
Joshua decided on the name for our cat - Betty. What do you think?
I really fancied chilli in a wrap tonight for dinner. Instead I did a burritos type meal. Of which you can see I left loads of it. I'm starting to learn to listen to my body/brain/stomach when it tells me I'm full. I've hardly eaten a thing today so thought I would be starving but less than halfway through I just stopped as I didn't want anymore. That's some achievement on my part as I would usually clear the plate as my mum had always told me too. Not anymore. My eyes clearly were bigger than my belly and I'm proud I've got leftovers.
Saturday, 24 September 2011
Why did I then at lunchtime go and buy myself a McDonalds to celebrate. The urge of the golden arches was calling me as I entered the car park. My mouth was watering in anticipation of getting my lips around a scrummy burger of my choice. The positive of it is that I chose wisely, I chose the foods that were the lower in calorific deliciousness and I enjoyed it. Every. Last. Bite.
Anyway once she had cleared the main blockage out of my left ear, suddenly I could hear in 3d surround sound again. Honestly THE most invigorating amazing thing EVER!
You don't realise how deaf you are until you have your ears irrigated. Everyone should do it once in their lifetime.
Friday, 23 September 2011
And then you have the jobsworth traffic wardens that don't appear until the moment when your child's class come out of school and you're parked on single yellow lines so you end up running down the road, finding a parking space in the permit parking areas and racing back to the school,the other parents giving you looks of disappointment as you briskly walk past them huffing, puffing and red in the face to find your child distraught and upset that you left them.
That is why I hate the school run.
Thursday, 22 September 2011
For some reason today I just can't pick myself up, I think it's a mixture of waiting for my test results for my smear, the daunting task that is college and the fact it's so god damn cold outside again already!! The boys and I have already had colds and I can hear 50% of fuck all out of my left ear except buzzing/ringing. I have ear drops that have done nothing except loosen a bit of wax and it's looking likely that I will need them syringed. I just want to snuggle down under a duvet and hibernate until Spring.
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
Second week of college this week and to say it's rather full on is a big big understatement. After last night my head was spinning from the absolute onslaught of information given to us about the different approaches to psychology and tonight in Biology we were bombarded with slides, videos and paper about eukaryotic and prokaryotic cells. What the fuck I hear you say? Trust me you aren't alone. My head hurts, I'm exhausted, I need to man the fuck up and get stuck in. This year is a whole other ball game.
The nurse uses a small instrument called a speculum to gently open the vagina. A small brush is then used to sweep around the cervix to take a sample of cells, the head of the brush, where the cells are lodged, is broken off into a small container of preservative fluid, or rinsed directly into the preservative fluid and set off to the laboratory to be looked at under the microscope.
I would say the worse thing for me was laying there legs akimbo with the speculum inside of me whilst she was sorting out the brush when all I wanted to do was get up and get dressed.
All said and done, I got myself all worked up for nothing really. It wasn't that bad, and if you can handle the slight embarassment you'll be fine. It could save your life. What's a little bit of embarassment in front of a nurse against potentially cancer......??
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Once its done it's done though for another three years, then you wait for your test results, cue more nausea when they hopefully say, all clear.
I would rather have the embarassment of laying on the bed knickerless with some nurse sticking a cotton bud around my cervix than not and discovering cervical cancer too late. Look at Jade Goody....too little too late. They say she left a legacy. But did she really? The uptake of smear tests is declining again and I just don't understand why people do not just book up and do it. I will tomorrow go through step by step exactly what happens so that those that do not want to or are nervous about it will know exactly what they're expecting.
It's no biggie, it's a necessary evil, but it could save your life.
Anyway you're probably all wondering what the heck this has to do with making the right choices....we were talking about the arguements many psychologists have and what freewill vs. determinism meant. How we as human beings have the freewill to make our choices how we see fit versus the predetermination that everything is our life is set out in a certain way and 'everything happens for a reason' For example the predetermination that a person is fat or thin, is it in the genes? Or is it the persons freewill or choice that they stuff themselves with creamcakes and chocolate and wonder why they're overweight. Are people naturally skinny or are they just mindful of the choices they make when eating.
These all rang true for me this evening when I thought about the food I ate today.
Breakfast: 2 weetabix with semi skimmed milk
Lunch: Ham salad sandwich on wholemeal with low fat spread and no mayo (brought in Greggs)
Snack: A small pancake with the kids and a thin spread of nutella
Dinner: Lentil soup and a small bread roll
Snack: 2 slices of soreen
I would usually have three weetabix for breakfast because I am a pig and like to feel full up until lunchtime, but its not about feeling full up, more satisfied that you've eaten enough. I went into Greggs for a sandwich at lunchtime and had a whole host of temptations waved under my nose and I resisted the little voices telling me to have a fresh cream apple danish or a chocolate eclair to go with my healthy sandwich and diet coke, however come afterschool time I was starving and knew I wouldn't last until dinner after college so gave in to temptation by having the last pancake with Stacey and the kids. I wouldn't have had one at all but there was some mix left over and it lasted just long enough to see me through college to have my low fat soup and soreen for tea.
So you see I could have done a hell of a lost worse with the choices I made but also I could have done better. We all have choices, just ensure you make the right ones.
Monday, 19 September 2011
I've always been strangely fascinated with the marathon and wished that one day I could do it..well I applied in April this year to be entered into the ballot. It would be amazing to do it, although I can imagine it will near on kill me but it's for a good cause. I'm doing it for Camille. She kicked cancers arse and every child in her position deserves a chance to survive. For more information please take a look at www.camillesappeal.co.uk.
2. Lose weight
Now this should come naturally the more I train for aforementioned marathon. The only problem is I love shit food. Burgers, sweets, chocolate, chinese, pizza...the list is endless everything that puts lbs on your arse or stomach from just sniffing it. I've therefore decided to try (but not try too hard) to stop eating this shit food and making better more positive decisions about what I fill my face with. Why o why did I buy that limited edition mars bar earlier?
3. Complete my college course
I'm just about to enter my second week now, my books are arriving for psychology and biology this week and I have my first assignment to do that is due for submission in just over a week ARGH!!! I'm still completley clueless on harvard referencing and I'm not even sure if the structure of my essay is correct.
4. Get into University
This is my biggest BIGGEST thing on my to do list! If I get into University it would be just absolutely amazing. To fulfil my dream......as well as get into an absurd amount of debt, never see my children and do a stupid amount of hours but the end result will be my dream job.
5. Spend my 30th in Tenerife
Oh yeah, I'm doing it chavesque stylee holiday...or not...it's going to be a blissful childfree relaxing holiday. Even the hotel is a childfree zone. I can't wait, and even better I get to spend it with one of my bessies. Maybe we'll have a drink or two too......